The clock tics off the minutes so slowly during the dark watches of the night. When will the joy of the morning that is promised after the long night of tears finally arrive?
There is no short cut through the emotional grief that cuts the heart when death comes to take one of our own.
When that "one" happens to be child regardless of how many years of earth time has been given to the parent-child relationship, the devastation of loss is acute.
In God's economy we were never meant to die and therefore death runs against everything that is eternal about our being. In and of ourselves we have no emotional tools to handle the separation that happens when death divides us from our loved ones. The hope of a reunited relationship is all that holds us together. And Jesus is the only One who promises that hope.
For me, memories haunt the dark places where he once filled our lives with bright joyful days, exciting times and loyal love for his family. Looking back only accentuates the sorrow.
When facing what feels like an emotional scorched earth scenario is there anything to be gleaned from the tragedy? When there can be no replacement; when the intense love has no place to be poured out; when death stands alone as the villain and there can be no counter-punch to throw. How does life go on when our personal world stops turning?
For a life-long believer in the One True God and His son Jesus Christ, this hard, hard emotional trial produces what is called a "faith crisis". Something that represents such a challenge to all our fine sounding arguments that we make before our personal world comes crashing down. Grief does that and as I have found no words can off-set the pain.
How can the "love of God" be so cruel is a question the enemy of my soul wants me to dwell upon? I have five other children and their spouses and 16 grandchildren who are every bit as deeply loved. Why him and why now comes echoing back from the dark and empty abyss. Questions without answers all lead back to something my Lord spoke to me years ago: "I know you trust My will but do you trust My ways?"
To what some might label a PTSD experience, the "what-if" question goes to the "what's next" one and tends to drive the acute anxiety train right down the center of my once peaceful home town.
Emotional, physical and mental fatigue all play their part in the attempted coup of my Spirit-life and relationship with the One I have trusted since I first found Jesus or better said til He first introduced Himself to me.
In the recent past, I have walked my husband of 31 years and my mom through the valley of the shadow of death and somehow been able to return to the land of the living. What then, makes this death such a hard mountain to climb?
Was it the suddenness of the loss without warning? Was there a preparatory warning I missed? Or something much deeper regarding the mystery of Holiness yet to be revealed?
Questions abound but the one thing I do know is that there is only one place I can go for answers, if there are any to be found on this side of the veil. Until then I wonder what I will find on the far side of tomorrow where many of God's promises are kept for delightful discovery at that future moment in my life? What will be that incredible Joy of the Lord once I get through the dark storm of today?
The Spirit is calling. Can you hear Him?
There is no short cut through the emotional grief that cuts the heart when death comes to take one of our own.
When that "one" happens to be child regardless of how many years of earth time has been given to the parent-child relationship, the devastation of loss is acute.
In God's economy we were never meant to die and therefore death runs against everything that is eternal about our being. In and of ourselves we have no emotional tools to handle the separation that happens when death divides us from our loved ones. The hope of a reunited relationship is all that holds us together. And Jesus is the only One who promises that hope.
For me, memories haunt the dark places where he once filled our lives with bright joyful days, exciting times and loyal love for his family. Looking back only accentuates the sorrow.
When facing what feels like an emotional scorched earth scenario is there anything to be gleaned from the tragedy? When there can be no replacement; when the intense love has no place to be poured out; when death stands alone as the villain and there can be no counter-punch to throw. How does life go on when our personal world stops turning?
For a life-long believer in the One True God and His son Jesus Christ, this hard, hard emotional trial produces what is called a "faith crisis". Something that represents such a challenge to all our fine sounding arguments that we make before our personal world comes crashing down. Grief does that and as I have found no words can off-set the pain.
How can the "love of God" be so cruel is a question the enemy of my soul wants me to dwell upon? I have five other children and their spouses and 16 grandchildren who are every bit as deeply loved. Why him and why now comes echoing back from the dark and empty abyss. Questions without answers all lead back to something my Lord spoke to me years ago: "I know you trust My will but do you trust My ways?"
To what some might label a PTSD experience, the "what-if" question goes to the "what's next" one and tends to drive the acute anxiety train right down the center of my once peaceful home town.
Emotional, physical and mental fatigue all play their part in the attempted coup of my Spirit-life and relationship with the One I have trusted since I first found Jesus or better said til He first introduced Himself to me.
In the recent past, I have walked my husband of 31 years and my mom through the valley of the shadow of death and somehow been able to return to the land of the living. What then, makes this death such a hard mountain to climb?
Was it the suddenness of the loss without warning? Was there a preparatory warning I missed? Or something much deeper regarding the mystery of Holiness yet to be revealed?
Questions abound but the one thing I do know is that there is only one place I can go for answers, if there are any to be found on this side of the veil. Until then I wonder what I will find on the far side of tomorrow where many of God's promises are kept for delightful discovery at that future moment in my life? What will be that incredible Joy of the Lord once I get through the dark storm of today?
The Spirit is calling. Can you hear Him?
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